literature

At the cherry tree...

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chikuQ's avatar
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Published:
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Literature Text

Little girl, love and sweetness in her heart,
lets the care for nature impart.
Watching the wonderful cherry tree,
as it sets its beauty free.
Flowers shower on her head,
form a soft petal bed
underneath, on the ground,
there she may sleep sweet and sound.
Sitting down, looking around..
Figures out there's no-one else to be found.
Then it all comes back to her mind,
tears appear making her blind.
Starting to feel alone,
hated and cold,
Rejected, bleeding pain but nobody to hold.
On her face descending the last burning tear,
tired of living in sadness and fear.
As the sun spreads its final ray,
she looks the sky, starts to whisper and pray..
"Could they just notice the good in me,
for I am not the selfish person they see.."
Yeah.. Just thinking..

(I'm still practicing so there might be mistakes and clumsiness in this, note me if you find any, please :)
© 2014 - 2024 chikuQ
Comments12
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MissMomoCupcakes's avatar
:star::star::star::star::star-half: Overall
:star::star::star::star::star-half: Vision
:star::star::star::star::star: Originality
:star::star::star::star::star-half: Technique
:star::star::star::star::star-half: Impact

Hi there, I just want to say that, you did such a nice job writing this poem.
It's really sweet, and I love what you did.
I absolutely loved the imagery you used. I can actually visualize the cherry tree in my head. When writing poetry, it is VERY important to have imagery. Imagery helps the reader to understand what you are trying to explain.
You don't have a lot of mechanical errors but what you could do is, try formatting the poem a bit.
The formatting seems a bit off. Other than that, you did a really nice job!